Looking Within
I’m pretty aware of my training environment and find myself, on most days, grateful for the people who make up my team. Coaches, trainers, teammates and therapists are the most obvious members of the group of people who help me, and in turn, I help, as we all strive for athletic perfection. We all want to improve and work towards having the races of our lives on the days when it really matters. As Olympic athletes, this happens every four years. The next round is in sixteen months and counting, and to be honest, I can’t believe how fast the time is flying.
This week, there are only two of us here in Calgary training. I am here with one of my younger teammates, sans Coach Xiuli, without the usual crew of us who meet twice a day, most days, for yet another gruelling training session. It’s just the two of us right now. Not only that, the oval is a quiet place this week because most of the other skaters are in Quebec for a Can-Am competition. It’s been strange coming from three weeks of world cups and being surrounded by the best skaters in the world and the energy this environment entails, to returning here to the oval. It feels like a ghost town in comparison.
At the same time, it’s good to be in this environment right now. It makes me aware of my focus and just how dependent I can be on others for motivation. It is forcing me to look within for the drive and seek the discipline that I need, no matter who is around me. It reminds me of the build up towards racing- when there is so much support, so much help offered by the people around me, and then stepping onto the starting line only to realize that I am very much alone. Nobody can help me at this point. It’s easy to become too dependent on others and forget that, in the end, you only have to face yourself when it really, really matters. If you cannot look within for that final push forward, nothing and no one can help you.
So instead of wishing everyone was here, yearning for the technical feedback that I have become accustomed to hearing after eight years of skating, I try to see it as an opportunity to look within and find the strength and resilience that makes me who I am; that has allowed for moments of extreme suffering when it has really counted. Each training session that I focus myself for, that I am prepared to work through, alone or with that one teammate, will only make me stronger this winter when the World Cup races begin again.
It’s a period of self-discovery that I have gone through many a time before. Times like these bring me back to myself and as hard as it is to face the daily regime alone, and as much as I miss the energy of the group that propels me forward, I can clearly see the value of re-connecting with the athlete I am.
I also know I am really going to appreciate my team when they are back!
