EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULITIES
I’ve never really had much sympathy for people struggling in sport. Including myself. Call it impatience or lack of compassion, but I’ve always felt that athletes should just get over it if they are healthy and strong. When there is no obvious hindrance to performance, why not choose to make the mental and physical commitment to go fast and try to win?
Looking back at almost two decades of making these efforts, I would easily lose track counting the times when I’ve been caught in the rut of sub-par performance. That struggle seems almost normal; so natural, in fact, that part of me is beginning to believe that struggle is synonymous with path or journey, and that my ultimate destiny is that of great pain to reach any kind of pleasure.
When I’ve been injured or tired, or just plain slow, it’s been a matter of pushing myself through doubt and fear to claw my way back to confidence and performance. I’ve never really understood the cycles of performance, good and bad. When I’ve seen people injured, or been injured myself, it always seems like ‘it can’t be that bad’ so just get on with it.
And then this year rolled around. After a fantastic summer of training that left me feeling so good on the bike I almost considered a comeback to cycling and a serious attempt at next summer’s Olympics, I could not believe the brick wall I continued to run head-first into, over and over again. How could I be so fit, so strong, and skate so poorly? Why could I not just turn it around and make that conscious choice to put my ability into my effort.
Well, it’s just not that simple. There are many, many layers to what exactly happens when an athlete loses his or her nerve (or feel, confidence, ability…) and what seems simple to adjust can take months to even slightly shift. I am currently in the process of altering all that has evolved to go so completely wrong and though it is somewhat of a struggle, I must admit I am quite enjoying the process.
I believe inherently that this path will lead to places I’ve never been. Why? Because this time around, for the first time in my athletic life, the struggle makes sense while it is happening. Usually I can see the clarity and reasoning of struggle only in hindsight. To feel the necessity of this process right now when I am engaged entirely is both wonderful and calming. Even when the races are bad, they are for a reason and that is to teach me this understanding, which I can only hope, leads to an ounce of wisdom. I suppose it’s just the human condition playing out on the speed skating oval, nothing more and nothing less.
I do, however, have much more sympathy for others when they just can’t seem to get it together. I don’t, however, have any patience for those who make excuses when they can’t.
